I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
