He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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