i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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