Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just had sex on a roof
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
