Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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