I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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