Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You pole danced in your parka.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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