he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize