So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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