I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
