So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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