My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize