WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
