He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
