I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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