this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
