OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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