And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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