loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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