I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
