this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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