just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
