Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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