I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
