Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
