Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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