I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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