why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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