Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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