just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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