dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
