its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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