The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the day after is always just damage control
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
