It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
