I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
