I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think a kid would responsible me up
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
