u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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