she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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