he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
