I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
