Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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