drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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