Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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