Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
