I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
