I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
