Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
