The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
