So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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