So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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