you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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