He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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