defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
