She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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