i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
