she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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