I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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