i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
