We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
