Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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