Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
