Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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