apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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