just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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