so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
