Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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