Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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