if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
