the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
