Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
