so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
