Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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