Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My bed smells like the plague
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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