I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
