I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So vagazzling was a success
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
