omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
