Your face is a jimmy john
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
